500 days of Autumn

500 days of Autumn

Monday, 4 February 2013

Don't waste it

“I will not waste my life! I will finish my course and finish it well. I will display the Gospel of the grace of God in all I do. I will run my race to the end.” 
- Paul

I've felt a distance between me and this space of late. This winter has been a cold one and I find myself wanting to cocoon myself beneath layers of wool and flannel. But the bitter chill still manages to seep its icy fingers into my very bones.
I am having trouble sorting myself out lately, melancholy one moment and blissfully happy the next.
And like a tree missing its leaves, I feel worn out and bare. I long for community, for people to challenge me, and to find a place where I can truly let my guard down. Other times, I am content for our little world to be inhabited by only the two of us. This constant yin and yang of emotions tire me and at times, I find myself wishing I could hibernate till the sun draws me back to life once more.
Its in these moments of weakness that I find myself turning to the vast horizons of blogs and photo's to motivate myself to create and connect. I find myself travelling down roads I've never seen, wearing unique outfits or eating food I've never tasted.

But life envy isn't healthy and these things do not nourish my soul, nor truly feed my spirit for long.
Over inspiration is more exhausting then exciting.
How many moments of my life am I missing? as I sit at a virtual window,watching other people live their lives as mine is slowly slipping by, unbeknownst to me 

I don't want to replace my own moments with other people's. I want to remember the way Mike's cheek dimples when he laughs, the way a steam wand hisses as it warms the milk, the sound of deep belly laughs and the the way the sunlight wraps itself around skeletal branches.

Life is meant to be lived fully, deeply and authentically.

And, I want to live that life.The life I was given.To give my full attention to the things that bring life and sustains, and immerse myself in my relationships with the one who gave me this life and those he put in it.

My life isn't picture perfect, but its mine, and I don't want to waste it.

Yours, 
K

7 comments:

Sophie said...

THANK YOU for the reminder. <3 Needed it<3

Lacey said...

beautiful.

Abbey said...

Kaya, your words ring so true on this chilly February evening. Taking this to heart.

Ashley said...

Such a beautiful way to express these thoughts.

Bella Mills said...

You're a very thoughtful and evocative writer. I can relate to a few of the things you said. Sometimes I get lost online on free days instead of being 'here' and with my husband. I hope you feel better soon.
Gorgeous blog. So thankful to have stumbled across it. Newest follower.
Bella @ sea and salt
xx

Kait said...

GAH, YOU ARE TURNING ME INTO A FAN WHO WANTS TO LEAVE YOU VAPID PRAISE, DARNIT.

Ahem.

I think most lifestyle bloggers chose to focus their lenses on fairies and dances and magic, because admitting you're dealing with a dragon problem is uncomfortable. And besides, dragons are ugly, and people want to see photographs of pretty things. So these bloggers hide much (not that it would be wise to share without appropriate restraint, only that their aim isn't usually self-reflection, but illusion). With this post, you indicate you are not of their ilk.

Carpe diem! :)

mackenzie said...

beautiful. i can totally connect with these thoughts +words.

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